fish brain
Crew Member
It seems we are in the red box now.
Tell Your Best Joke
- Thread starter Stizzla
- Start date
IronNoggin
Well-Known Member
IronNoggin
Well-Known Member
IronNoggin
Well-Known Member
IronNoggin
Well-Known Member
IronNoggin
Well-Known Member
IronNoggin
Well-Known Member
Newf
Crew Member
A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."
The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"
The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"
The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Newf
Crew Member
RESURRECTION
While the priest was presenting a children's sermon.
He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial,
But at the same time, asking children questions in front of a
congregation can also be very dangerous.
In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.
The priest called on him and the boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.
While the priest was presenting a children's sermon.
He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial,
But at the same time, asking children questions in front of a
congregation can also be very dangerous.
In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.
The priest called on him and the boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.
Newf
Crew Member
Sorry Folks but here's another one. My friend in NL just posted these so I thought I would share.
The art of the Nooner"
An older couple, at an art exhibition, were staring at a painting that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
So they asked the curator of the gallery for an interpretation.
He explained how it represented the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he said, "Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.“
After the curator left, a man with a noticeable maritime accent approached the couple and said, "Would yous' like to know what the painting is really all about?"
“How & why could you claim or be more of an expert than the curator of this gallery?" asked the couple.
"Cause I'm da guy wot painted it," he replied. "In fact, dere's no African-Americans shown here at all.
They're just three Cape Breton coal-miners. Dat guy in the middle went home for lunch."
The art of the Nooner"
An older couple, at an art exhibition, were staring at a painting that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
So they asked the curator of the gallery for an interpretation.
He explained how it represented the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he said, "Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.“
After the curator left, a man with a noticeable maritime accent approached the couple and said, "Would yous' like to know what the painting is really all about?"
“How & why could you claim or be more of an expert than the curator of this gallery?" asked the couple.
"Cause I'm da guy wot painted it," he replied. "In fact, dere's no African-Americans shown here at all.
They're just three Cape Breton coal-miners. Dat guy in the middle went home for lunch."
