A good FUNNY thought I would share
- Thread starter wolf
- Start date
T
The Fish Assassin
Guest
True story.. Makes it funnier!!
A man who bolted antlers to the head of a dead doe and posed for a photograph with the deer was fined $400 and jailed for game violations.
Marcel Fournier, 19, shot the deer the evening of Nov. 22 and used lag bolts and epoxy to attach a 10-point rack, officials said. He then checked in the kill as lawful game at Barnie's Market.
It's illegal to kill an antlerless deer, and it's also illegal to hunt at night.
The Concord resident admitted to the killing and led a game warden to the deer's remains after an anonymous caller alerted authorities. Fournier said he had "quite a time" drilling and fastening the antlers, authorities said.
Game warden David Gregory said the antlers didn't look or feel right.
"When you grabbed them, you'd feel movement," he said.
Col. David LeCours, chief warden of the state Department of Fish and Wildlife, said the size of the antlers relative to the size of the deer seemed off.
"Something wasn't natural about them, in addition to the fact that they weren't natural," he said.
Fournier was sentenced to 10 days in jail Feb. 18 for taking a deer in a closed season. He won't qualify for a state hunting, fishing or trapping licence for at least three years.
LeCours said add-on antlers are the stuff of legend, but that it's the first documented case of it in Vermont.
Take only what you need.
A man who bolted antlers to the head of a dead doe and posed for a photograph with the deer was fined $400 and jailed for game violations.
Marcel Fournier, 19, shot the deer the evening of Nov. 22 and used lag bolts and epoxy to attach a 10-point rack, officials said. He then checked in the kill as lawful game at Barnie's Market.
It's illegal to kill an antlerless deer, and it's also illegal to hunt at night.
The Concord resident admitted to the killing and led a game warden to the deer's remains after an anonymous caller alerted authorities. Fournier said he had "quite a time" drilling and fastening the antlers, authorities said.
Game warden David Gregory said the antlers didn't look or feel right.
"When you grabbed them, you'd feel movement," he said.
Col. David LeCours, chief warden of the state Department of Fish and Wildlife, said the size of the antlers relative to the size of the deer seemed off.
"Something wasn't natural about them, in addition to the fact that they weren't natural," he said.
Fournier was sentenced to 10 days in jail Feb. 18 for taking a deer in a closed season. He won't qualify for a state hunting, fishing or trapping licence for at least three years.
LeCours said add-on antlers are the stuff of legend, but that it's the first documented case of it in Vermont.
Take only what you need.
T
The Fish Assassin
Guest
HAHAHA!!!
Take only what you need.
T
The Fish Assassin
Guest
Why Moses wouldn't make a good fishing partner!!
Take only what you need.
Take only what you need.
Looks like a heartbreaking way to learn about tides.
Last Chance Fishing Adventures
www.lastchancefishingadventures.com
www.swiftsurebank.com
Last Chance Fishing Adventures
www.lastchancefishingadventures.com
www.swiftsurebank.com
S
Significant Other
Guest
A bad day at work.
supposedly it is true. I don't know if it is really true or not but it is pretty funny.
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job.'
So now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
supposedly it is true. I don't know if it is really true or not but it is pretty funny.
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job.'
So now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
ReelAffair
Active Member
Amish ***
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding
in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs.
Your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs.
The warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy
with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs.
The warmth of my body will warm it up'.
He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter,
and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.'
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her
mother again, and she says to her mother,
'Have you ever heard of a penis?'
Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes...?! Why do you ask?'
The daughter replies:
'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?!
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding
in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs.
Your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs.
The warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy
with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs.
The warmth of my body will warm it up'.
He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter,
and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.'
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her
mother again, and she says to her mother,
'Have you ever heard of a penis?'
Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes...?! Why do you ask?'
The daughter replies:
'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?!
wolf
Well-Known Member
This is right up STRIPERJACKS alley....
Fishing Humor
"You might be a redneck if..."
· If you have ever cleaned fish in your living room.
· If you've ever used a fishing boat to haul lumber.
· If you can buy live bait and cold beer at your barbershop.
· If in high school you were voted "Most likely to fish from a bridge.
· If you enjoy playing with bait more than you like to fish.
· If your fishing license is more precious to you than your marriage license.
· If you have ever made a homemade hot tub with a trolling motor.
· If you practice casting in your yard.
· If you have ever sunk a rental paddleboat.
· If when you go fishing your tackle consists of a generator and copper wire.
· If you have been to the emergency room more than once to have a fishhook removed.
· If you videotape fishing shows.
· If you fly-fish with real flies.
· If any of your children were conceived in a fishing boat.
· If your most effective fishing lure is TNT.
· If your wife would rather fish from a bridge than go clothes shopping.
· If you would rather fish than have ***.
· If you have ever sent fan mail to a fishing lure.
· If you have ever spent more than half a day in a fishing shop.
· If you have an aboveground swimming pool that you fish out of.
· If your license plate frame mentions fishing.
· If when talking about great fishermen, your grandma's name always comes up.
· If your dream home is a fishing boat.
· If you think megabytes means a good day fishing.
Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com
Fishing Humor
"You might be a redneck if..."
· If you have ever cleaned fish in your living room.
· If you've ever used a fishing boat to haul lumber.
· If you can buy live bait and cold beer at your barbershop.
· If in high school you were voted "Most likely to fish from a bridge.
· If you enjoy playing with bait more than you like to fish.
· If your fishing license is more precious to you than your marriage license.
· If you have ever made a homemade hot tub with a trolling motor.
· If you practice casting in your yard.
· If you have ever sunk a rental paddleboat.
· If when you go fishing your tackle consists of a generator and copper wire.
· If you have been to the emergency room more than once to have a fishhook removed.
· If you videotape fishing shows.
· If you fly-fish with real flies.
· If any of your children were conceived in a fishing boat.
· If your most effective fishing lure is TNT.
· If your wife would rather fish from a bridge than go clothes shopping.
· If you would rather fish than have ***.
· If you have ever sent fan mail to a fishing lure.
· If you have ever spent more than half a day in a fishing shop.
· If you have an aboveground swimming pool that you fish out of.
· If your license plate frame mentions fishing.
· If when talking about great fishermen, your grandma's name always comes up.
· If your dream home is a fishing boat.
· If you think megabytes means a good day fishing.
Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com
wolf
Well-Known Member
The Biker and the Bridge
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head...In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach to bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time, and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make my woman truly HAPPY."
And the Lord replied......
"You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head...In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach to bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time, and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make my woman truly HAPPY."
And the Lord replied......
"You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com
ReelAffair
Active Member
Get it right ROY
"If you have an aboveground swimming pool that you fish out of. "
if I pull the lid off the septic field it would be like fishing Oakbay
is that close enough
"If you have an aboveground swimming pool that you fish out of. "
if I pull the lid off the septic field it would be like fishing Oakbay
is that close enough
wolf
Well-Known Member
Sushihunter
Active Member
Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Jim's Fishing Charters
www.JimsFishing.com
http://ca.youtube.com/user/Sushihunter250
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Jim's Fishing Charters
www.JimsFishing.com
http://ca.youtube.com/user/Sushihunter250
wolf
Well-Known Member
Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A woman was in a coma. She had been for months. Nurses were in her
room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area
and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever
she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral ***' will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.
A woman was in a coma. She had been for months. Nurses were in her
room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area
and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever
she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral ***' will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.
ReelAffair
Active Member
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1... Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one :
Subtle hints do not work !
Strong hints do not work !
Obvious hints do not work !
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact , all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are .
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball ormotor sports
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1... Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one :
Subtle hints do not work !
Strong hints do not work !
Obvious hints do not work !
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact , all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are .
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball ormotor sports
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
ReelAffair
Active Member
Little boy at the nude beach. THIS IS PRICELESS... ..
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.
Gunsmith
Well-Known Member
Have you ever had a day like this??
NOT HIS DAY
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it ?'
The poor little guy starts crying.
'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.'
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me."
"When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."
NOT HIS DAY
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it ?'
The poor little guy starts crying.
'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.'
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me."
"When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."
ReelAffair
Active Member
S
shake a paw
Guest
very funny!!!!lmfao
Gunsmith
Well-Known Member
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
sai d, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards
instead of your collar.'
[8D]
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
sai d, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards
instead of your collar.'
[8D]
ReelAffair
Active Member
A Woman's Perfect Day
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants;open presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with ***y, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22lbs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed. freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
A Man's Perfect Day
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (******** en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Peringon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle Macpherson
6:45 ****, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:30 *** with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants;open presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with ***y, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22lbs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed. freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
A Man's Perfect Day
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (******** en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Peringon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle Macpherson
6:45 ****, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:30 *** with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
Similar threads
