#1 Tip: do not cheap out on plans and specifications!
Many newbies try to save money here and it's a big mistake. Be as detailed as possible. Changes on paper are cheap and easy. Once you are building, changes get very expensive.
#2: Choose 3 reputable builders (check references) and provide them with your approved plans and specifications. You will then be comparing apples and apples when you get their quotes. Choose a builder with a personality compatible with yours. Price is not the only thing. Get everything in writing! Get a lawyer to review it before signing.
#3: Once you have chosen your builder and signed a contract, trust them to do their job. Your builder does not need your micro-management or the latest idea you got from a home improvement show. Your builder is not a marriage counselor. Have your arguments settled before you meet with your builder. Stay off the job-site except for the scheduled site review times. Pay promptly at the scheduled times. Avoid change orders because you planned well at the beginning. If something must be changed, do it as early as possible.
#4: Tradespeople are people first. Kindness and respect go a long way to creating a harmonious working environment. Delivering coffee and donuts at 10:00 a.m. on a cold, wet morning is always welcomed. Say thank you. People always do a better job when they know they are appreciated.
#5: Be prepared for the unexpected. Sometimes things go sideways and some things can take a little longer. Have a buffer in your schedule and contingency funds in your budget. Follow your builder's advice to get best value.
#6: Be realistic. Excellence is to be expected but you demanding perfection is neurotic behaviour.
#7 : Be very careful before embarking on a building project on your own. A professional builder has years of training and experience that you do not have. He or she has developed skills, relationships and connections that you do not have. They have resources that you do not have. Building for the first time will be the most stressful, slow, frustrating and expensive experience you can ever have.
#8: When you get to the end of your project, it will have taken a little longer and cost a little more than you hoped it would. But you will have a quality built, custom home that you will be proud of and enjoy for many years. Little things come up. Reputable builders will stand behind their work.
Celebrate! Tell your friends what a great relationship you built with your builder.