Tell Your Best Joke
- Thread starter Stizzla
- Start date
Sir Reel
Well-Known Member
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years, you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER: The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck; who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years, you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER: The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck; who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
Stizzla
Crew Member
That’s gotta be up near the top of the list for best joke on here! Knee slapper!
Newf
Crew Member
Frank is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night
after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to
sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening,
Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat
and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Frank turns to Mildred and asks
"Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?''
"Sex." he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Frank says, "but it would be nice if a woman could
just hold it for awhile."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers,
removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Frank's thingie.
Then one night Frank didn't show up at their usualmeeting place.
Alarmed, Mildred decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found
him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who
was holding Frank's little pal!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun-!! What
does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Frank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"
after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to
sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening,
Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat
and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Frank turns to Mildred and asks
"Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?''
"Sex." he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Frank says, "but it would be nice if a woman could
just hold it for awhile."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers,
removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Frank's thingie.
Then one night Frank didn't show up at their usualmeeting place.
Alarmed, Mildred decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found
him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who
was holding Frank's little pal!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun-!! What
does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Frank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"
