Poll question for men and women

[Peahead]

I'd appreciate your advice here on a poll question of mine - not fishing, I know, but your help will help me focus on fishing more lol....Not just the guys but also any women on this site or if guys could ask their wives/girlfriends to respond too: I'd like to get as many replies as possible and preferably 50/50 women/men. I'd rather poll strangers to me as my friends would likely be bias.

Background:[/u]

My former wife and I have a 5 year old daughter. I have my daughter 50% of the time. We are seperated 4 years and plan to divorce this fall. We both have been been dating other partners for a while now. After 7-8 months of dating exclusively with one fellow, my former wife got engaged 2 weeks ago (to be married in approx 2+ years).


Question</u>

My former wife went out to shop with my daughter to get a Fathers Day Card for her so that my daughter could give it to her mom's boyfriend.
Is that appropriate or inappropriate ?

If you were the new boyfriend/girlfriend and got a Fathers or Mothers day Card in this situation, would that feel right ?

Thanks for you answers !!!

 

[Peahead]

Forgot, if you prefer PM me is fine.

 

[ReelAffair]

I personally think the child should do it on their own when they are good and ready. Mom shouldn't be gettting her to do it.

I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now and her daughter gave me a fathers day card on her own...she is 18

My son is 10 and he asked to get her a card and gift on mothers day and also one for his mother.

As for if I got a card 7 months after we were together I dont think It would have meant as much

 

[wolf]

HHHHMMM dont know about that one to me thats a bit early but depends on how much the girl is involved with the new beau.

Kids are like little sponges they absorb EVERY thing now what happens if they break up sometimes its more devastating to the child.
Personally I think one should keep distance and go slow saying things like this is my friend ..... until you know its serious enough to involve the child.
I always error on the side of caution seen to many screwed up kids in juvie with really f up parents right Justin....


Just my thoughts

Wolf

 

[Lipripper]

OUCH!
The real parents are always the real parents
Over stepped I'd say
Good to see someone pitch in but even after 7-8 months.... Father is something that is earned... Biological or other.
Hope they got you one too when they were shopping.

 

[tubber]

Not appropriate, but also not worth worrying about. No matter how you approach it you'll ended up looking bad even if you're right. Your relationship with your daughter is based on your history and how you manage your 50%. She can have a positive relationship with him, but she'll always be your daughter.

Yours truly,
Ann Landers

 

[Lipripper]

quote:Originally posted by tubber

, but also not worth worrying about.

Should have added that into my reply...

 

[spring time]

hey peahead don't let it get at you all that matters is that your daughter loves you, and you love her back. and make the most of the time that you have with her special. it also could be your ex playing games with you so DON'T LET IT MESS WITH YOU

 

[Pippen]

quote:Originally posted by striperjack

I personally think the child should do it on their own when they are good and ready. Mom shouldn't be gettting her to do it.

Totally agree. Now I went through this at an older age around 20 when my Dad remarried but he asked me if I would get my stepmother a Mother's Day card.

I told him straight up....."nope, have you read Mother's Day cards? The "sappy" ones talk about support over the years, love through my upbringing etc etc. She has not done that nor has she been there through the years watching me grow up and shaping who I am."

Now having said that....with a child at 5 yrs old they are much more impressionable and also don't necessarily have a full grasp of the situation. For me personally in my opinion (and in my GF's who I have lived with for 4 years and share a mortgage) she should NOT be doing that at all. If your daughter states she wants to get a card for him then that's one thing but for Mom to impose that thought process on her is wrong.

As a question for you peahead.......how is the relationship with your ex? Is it amicable or pretty strained? I would also think if it is a strained relationship that she may be "up to something". Not knowing the "WHOLE STORY" that's just something to think about.

 

[highlights]

As a father myself and if my relationship were to tank with my wife , the situation concerning the children would kill me.

Thats for starters and without even delving into your situation.


If in fact your former wife's new beau is a father ( meaning his own children from say a previous marriage ) then it is great that your wife acknowledges it. YOUR EX WIFE ACKNOWLEDGES IT. Not your young daughter just quite yet. She's kind of young and doesn't quite get it just yet. It's not her father but one day may forge a great bond ( and this you should be happy about. Really. The more people that love the children the better for everyone in a situation such as divorce ) I wish alot of pepole a happy fathers day even when they aren't my father. So keep that in mind.

I'd say it was a bit of a strectch this early on. Oh and by the way how is it that you became aware of this? I'd say that may be even more problematic. Things like that hurt. Try to avoid info like that at all costs but let her live her life as you also need to live yours. Easier said then done I know especially because of the kids.

Good luck.

 

[Island Fish Lifter]

I have some experience with your dilemma. Your daughter will always be your daughter. As long your always there for her, youll always be her #1.
I have two kids with an x (I hate calling her that, I prefer to call her my friend). The kids call her husband "dad". I didnt like it at first, but they started calling my new wife "mom". It doesnt phase me at all now.

If I had one piece of advice to give its this: Dont take it personally, and dont make it mean something its not. Good luck.

Fill the dam tub!

 

[Mi Chica]

Tubber, IFL and Highlights have it right. Been there, so let the others do their thing, say nothing derogatory everand continue to forge a strong relationship with your child and it will all be good.

Too much water, too little time

 

[Peahead]

Well thank you all very much for your valuble input. I am amazed at some of the advice - VERY GOOD!! thx very much. Sometimes when you are deep in it you can't see the forest through the trees!

I think the fact my ex had created this all way too early is what had my head spinning. The fellow isn't a dad ( no kids of his own ) so that made it even more brutal to me. I was really worried that it could hurt my 5 year old daughter if the relationship ended since it has only been months so seemed outta line to me. Perhaps there was an element of this I did take personally, as I obviously take pride in being her dad. She's quite the "daddy's girl so perhaps it felt like someone was trespassing on my territory after only being in the "picture" for 7-8 months! More importantly it was about my daughter being "dragged in" by my ex and orchestrating this too early into their young relationship, potentially hurting my daughter if this relationship didn't last ( the history is there to back that concern)
I noticed the card because I am invited over there regularily and saw it there in plain view displayed. May have been innocent or placed there strategically to get my reation. Either way its now water under the bridge. I just have to let it go as you have said and provide a safe and loving environment for my daughter when she is with me. My ex's boyfriend seems very good with my daughter so thats a huge plus. I should actually be thankful of that. I can provide my daughter all the care, and love when shes with me....I just have to trust that the other half of the time she is getting the same.

Thx All !