An Oldie but still a Goodie

[blueorca]

While reading the tape worm thread, I was again reminded of a site that generates great complaint letters...
http://www.pakin.org/complaint

As an example :
(and please...before directing any hate mail this way, It is only in jest...)

Because many of the things I'm about to say regarding Sockeyefry have already been beaten into the ground, I will try to keep this letter short. But before I continue, allow me to explain that my long-term goal is to help people see Sockeyefry's overbearing positions for what they are. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, if Sockeyefry is incapable of discerning the mad ramblings of froward blackguards from the wisdom and nuance embedded in a sage's discourse then I seriously doubt that it'll be capable of determining that it always cavils at my attempts to foster mutual understanding. That's probably because there is an unpleasant fact, painful to the tender-minded, that one can deduce from the laws of nature. This fact is also conclusively established by direct observation. It is a fact so obvious that rational people have always known it and no one doubted it until Sockeyefry and its vicegerents started trying to deny it. The fact to which I am referring states that Sockeyefry contends that it could do a gentler and fairer job of running the world than anyone else. Excuse me, but where exactly did this little factoid come from?

Is it just me, or do other people also think that Sockeyefry is indeed an adept at destroying our moral fiber? I ask because the hour is late indeed. Fortunately, it's not yet too late to stand as a witness in the divine court of the eternal judge and proclaim that Sockeyefry has a near-legendary lack of common sense, decency, and manners. Sockeyefry's fierce passions and fiendish cunning, combined with abnormal powers of intellect, with intense vitality, and with a persistency of purpose which the world has rarely seen, and whetted moreover by a keen thirst for blood engendered by defeat and subjection, combine to make it the deadly enemy of all mankind, while its irresponsible, frowzy hariolations contribute to inflame its wild lust of pelf, and to justify the crimes suggested by spite and superstition.

Sockeyefry alleges that it is a bearer and agent of the Creator's purpose. Naturally, this is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. The salient point here is that if Sockeyefry's attempts to silence any criticism of the brainwashing and double standards that it has increasingly been practicing have spurred us to convince the government to clamp down hard on its beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments), then Sockeyefry may have accomplished a useful thing. In summary, it is my prayer that people everywhere will join me in my quest to make an impartial and well-informed evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of Sockeyefry's contrivances.

 

[Gypseas]

LOL

 

[new generation]

What exactly does that mean????????

 

[Striper Sniper]

Hey Blueorca, that is a very interesting thread that you provided.... I know that I will be using it in the future.... SS

 

[Red Monster]

The way you were goiing on, Orca, for a minute there I thouht you were a fishfarmer.

 

[blueorca]

Actually if it was directed at fishfarms, it would look sorta like this.....
This is a great site, by the way, and it generates different complaint letters every time you go back and type the same criteria...
But back to the fish farms....this actually looks like it was designed for the subject.....
I really hope the fishfarms gives this letter five minutes of its precious cappuccino-sipping, cancer-stick-puffing time. To organize my discussion, I suggest that we take one step back in the causal chain and beat the fishfarms at its own game. Look, for those of us who make our living trying to give parents the means to protect their children, it is important to consider that you should not ask, "How does it benefit from defending hypocritical exponents of allotheism against the just expostulations of the public?", but rather, "Where are the people who are willing to stand up and acknowledge that education is vitiated by its utterances?". The latter question is the better one to ask because it offers its protégés a vehicle of sorts for their revenge fantasies. That's clear. But my goal is to help you reflect and reexamine your views on the fishfarms. I might not be successful at achieving that goal but I indisputably do have to try.

It is apparent to me that I act based on what I think is right, not who I think is right. That's why I try always to punish those who lie or connive at half-truths. It's also why I say that it and I disagree about our civic duties. I assert that we must do our utmost to carve solutions that are neither cold-blooded nor insufferable. The fishfarms, on the other hand, believes that racism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves.

To my mind, the fishfarms's ideas show a degree of yellow-bellied sickness that even I didn't expect. What are the lessons for us in this? First, it's that some time ago, in the aftermath of its last volley of attacks, a group of self-satisfied sad sacks began to demand that loyalty to oleaginous oligarchs supersedes personal loyalty. And second, whenever there's an argument about its devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that it can be so hostile it would take your breath away. That should settle the argument pretty quickly. The fishfarms's traducements are based on a denial of reality, on the substitution of a deliberately falsified picture of the world in place of reality. And this dishonesty, this refusal to admit the truth, will have some very serious consequences for all of us in a lustrum or two.

Cankered is as cankered does. What's my problem, then? Allow me to present it in the form of a question: What does the fishfarms hope to achieve by repeatedly applying its lips to the posteriors of what I call ornery flimflammers? One might as well ask, "What is it about our society that makes voluble fast-buck artists like the fishfarms desire to turn back the clock and repeal all the civil rights and anti-discrimination legislation now on the books?" On the surface, it would seem to have something to do with the way that it is naive to think that it wouldn't extend its fifteen minutes of fame to fifteen months if it got the chance. But upon further investigation one will find that I wonder if the fishfarms really believes the things it says. It knows they're not true, doesn't it? To answer that question, note that history provides a number of instructive examples for us to study. For instance, it has long been the case that I have to wonder where the fishfarms got the idea that it is my view that it knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. This sits hard with me because it is simply not true and I've never written anything to imply that it is.

While the fishfarms might not goad possession-obsessed ogres into hurling epithets at its enemies per se, it's really not bloody-mindedness that compels me to make this world a better place in which to live. It's my sense of responsibility to you, the reader. I know very few improvident sewer rats personally but I know them well enough to surmise that the fishfarms keeps telling us that there is something intellectually provocative in the tired rehashing of rabid stereotypes. Are we also supposed to believe that this is the best of all possible worlds and that it is the best of all possible organizations? I didn't think so. The fishfarms's assistants are merely ciphers. The fishfarms is the one who decides whether or not to reap a whirlwind of destroyed marriages, damaged children, and, quite possibly, a globe-wide expression of incurable sexually transmitted diseases. The fishfarms is the one who gives out the orders to doctor evidence and classification systems and make scornful generalizations to support sullen, preconceived views. And the fishfarms is the one trying to conceal how only the impartial and unimpassioned mind will even consider that it possesses no significant intellectual skills whatsoever and has no interest in erudition. Heck, it can't even spell or define "erudition", much less achieve it.

This is a free country, and I believe we ought to keep it that way. The fishfarms can fool some of the people all of the time. It can fool all of the people some of the time. But it can't fool all of the people all of the time. I'm willing to accept that I, not being one of the many unconscionable menaces of this world, proudly adopt this stand. I'm even willing to accept that its lieutenants are encouraged -- or more aptly, dragooned -- into helping it undermine everyone's capacity to see, or change, the world as a whole. But you won't find many of its factotums who will openly admit that they favor the fishfarms's schemes to slander those who are most systematically undervalued, underpaid, underemployed, underfinanced, underinsured, underrated, and otherwise underserved and undermined as undeserving and underclass. In fact, their put-downs are characterized by a plethora of rhetoric to the contrary. If you listen closely, though, you'll hear how carefully they cover up the fact that the fishfarms's goal is to perpetrate acts of the most illiterate character. This is abject antinomianism!

You may find it amusing or even titillating to read about the fishfarms's shenanigans, but they're not amusing to me. They're deeply troubling. According to the laws of probability, the fishfarms has repeatedly been spotted preventing me from sleeping soundly at night. When questioned about that, it either denies any knowledge of it or offers unbelievable and ludicrous explanations that only a stingy swaggerer could believe.

I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for the fishfarms's subterfuge. I'm absolutely stunned. I must point out that if natural selection indeed works by removing the weakest and most genetically unfit members of a species then the fishfarms is clearly going to be the first to go. The fishfarms has stated that everyone who doesn't share its beliefs is a spiteful, scary worrywart deserving of death and damnation. That's just pure conformism. Well, in the fishfarms's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that the fishfarms argues that its vices are the only true virtues. To maintain this thesis, the fishfarms naturally has had to shovel away a mountain of evidence, which it does by the desperate expedient of claiming that those who disagree with it should be cast into the outer darkness, should be shunned, should starve. The fishfarms's prophecies are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that deconstructionism brings one closer to nirvana and they promote the mistaken idea that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin.

I suppose we could get the fishfarms to shut up by leading to the destruction of the human race. Obviously, that the fishfarms-esque scheme is akin to throwing out the baby with the bath water. Let me propose instead that we take personal action and bring a fresh perspective and new ideas to the current debate.

We'd all be in grave danger if the fishfarms continued to engage in its featherbrained behavior. The fishfarms's convictions are becoming increasingly unbridled. They have already begun to suppress all news that portrays the fishfarms in a bad light. Now fast-forward a few years to a time in which they have enabled the fishfarms to concoct labels for people, objects, and behaviors in order to manipulate the public's opinion of them. If you don't want such a time to come then help me rake the fishfarms over the coals for turning the trickle of propagandism into a tidal wave. Help me work together towards a shared vision. I have just enough stomach left to address one last instance of the fishfarms's vindictive imbecility: The fishfarms sincerely believes that the ideas of "freedom" and "absolutism" are Siamese twins.

 

[splittail]

am writing to express my concerns about Chinook Salmon Regulations and, more specifically, its asseverations regarding stubborn, incoherent chuckleheads. I urge you to read the text that follows carefully, keeping an open mind, from the beginning to the end, and without skipping around. I further recommend that you take breaks, as many of the facts presented will take time to digest. We must face the undeniable fact that if I have a bias, it is only against randy guttersnipes who burn our fair cities to the ground.

I have often maintained that reasonable people can reasonably disagree. Unfortunately, when dealing with Chinook Salmon Regulations and its co-conspirators, that claim assumes facts not in evidence. So let me claim instead that while we do nothing, those who gain a virtual stranglehold on many facets of our educational system are gloating and smirking. And they will keep on gloating and smirking until we anneal discourse with honesty, clear thinking, and a sense of moral good. Most of us feel that Chinook Salmon Regulations is extremely scary. This implies that Chinook Salmon Regulations's agents provocateurs believe that people prefer "cultural integrity" and "multicultural sensitivity" to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that Chinook Salmon Regulations is the one who will lead us to our great shining future can believe anything, especially if it's false. My eventual goal for this letter is to punish Chinook Salmon Regulations for its careless plaints. I'm counting on you for your support.

 

[Nimo]

I call "edit" "replace" Very good just the same. I think I'll have to go have a few beers and then try a re-read a bit later.