Tell Your Best Joke
- Thread starter Stizzla
- Start date
Fish Camp
Well-Known Member
I went to the river many year ago .There were so many salmon in the river .Thaught I would get one with my hands ,and I did.The tourists seen me do that and asked if they could have one,I said sure,and started to hand out salmon from the river and the tourists quickly moved on.Little did i know of the man at the parkinglot asking questions.The boogieman found me and marched me to my truck by the ear and wrote me a ticket.I jumped in my truck and left.On the way home there was a road block that was a couple blocks from my house on the Hyw that I passed .The girl friend when I got home asked me to go to the store,so I left . I seen more police further south on the way to the store.I figured on the way back home I would post on card board with a felt pen either side of the police a sign saying "ROAD BLOCK Ahead".Well they seen me posting and pulled me over,and wrote me a ticket.I went to a lawyer and he said we could dispute both charges at one time before the judge.i said ok.the day in court before the judge ,the charges were spoke by the crown. mr FC how do you plee on the charges of fish mollestation and illegal erection of signs?
Sir Reel
Well-Known Member
Just came across this...reminds me of this group sometimes. Have fun...
A Day in the Life of a Facebook Group Admin
Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb on Facebook?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jackasses.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
249 to post meme's and gif's.
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
16 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
7 to ask if the brands of light bulbs used are worth the money.
19 to tell them that if they like the light bulbs, buy them.
5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
13 to comment "Me too".
5 to post to the page that they will no longer post or are leaving because they cannot handle the $!%cking light bulb controversy.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
22 to ask if there is a flounce in progress.
349 to post flounce memes.
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb.
4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
- borrowed from anothers fb post
A Day in the Life of a Facebook Group Admin
Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb on Facebook?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jackasses.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
249 to post meme's and gif's.
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
16 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
7 to ask if the brands of light bulbs used are worth the money.
19 to tell them that if they like the light bulbs, buy them.
5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
13 to comment "Me too".
5 to post to the page that they will no longer post or are leaving because they cannot handle the $!%cking light bulb controversy.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
22 to ask if there is a flounce in progress.
349 to post flounce memes.
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb.
4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
- borrowed from anothers fb post
cuttlefish
Well-Known Member
Well?
cuttlefish
Well-Known Member
Two elderly women were sitting on a bench in the park.
The first one laments, “My joints are sooo stiff!”
The other replies, “Maybe you’re rolling them too tight.”
The first one laments, “My joints are sooo stiff!”
The other replies, “Maybe you’re rolling them too tight.”
Tinny
Well-Known Member
Have not read through all 6 pages, so sorry if this is a repeat.....
The owner of a lumber yard is interviewing people for a job in his lumber yard. He has several applicants that day and none of them are particularly noteworthy until a blind man walks in. Obviously confused the owner says " um, sir how do you propose you are to work in my lumber yard if you can't see?" the main replies, " well sir I can smell the different types of lumber easily!" The owner doesn't believe this at all and has an employee bring in some lumber for the man to smell. The blind man takes a sniff of the lumber, flips it over and takes another sniff of the lumber and says " that's a 2x6x10 of eastern white pine". The owner thinkis to himself, " okay that was just a lucky guess" and has someone bring in a different type of lumber. The blind man sniffs it twice and replies " that's a 1x6X10 of western red cedar". The owner's jaw drops. The owner then decides to mess with the blind man and brings in the secretary. The blind man takes a sniff and says says, " ugh", they turn the secretary around and he takes another sniff and says, " whew!!". The blind man thinks for a minute and finally replies with, " Now you're just f****ing with me, that's a ****-house door off a tuna boat!"
The owner of a lumber yard is interviewing people for a job in his lumber yard. He has several applicants that day and none of them are particularly noteworthy until a blind man walks in. Obviously confused the owner says " um, sir how do you propose you are to work in my lumber yard if you can't see?" the main replies, " well sir I can smell the different types of lumber easily!" The owner doesn't believe this at all and has an employee bring in some lumber for the man to smell. The blind man takes a sniff of the lumber, flips it over and takes another sniff of the lumber and says " that's a 2x6x10 of eastern white pine". The owner thinkis to himself, " okay that was just a lucky guess" and has someone bring in a different type of lumber. The blind man sniffs it twice and replies " that's a 1x6X10 of western red cedar". The owner's jaw drops. The owner then decides to mess with the blind man and brings in the secretary. The blind man takes a sniff and says says, " ugh", they turn the secretary around and he takes another sniff and says, " whew!!". The blind man thinks for a minute and finally replies with, " Now you're just f****ing with me, that's a ****-house door off a tuna boat!"
Sharphooks
Well-Known Member
Three men are walking down the road when they find a magic lamp. One of them picks it up, gives it a quick rub, and wouldn’t you know it, a genie pops out and offers each of them 3 wishes.
The first man instantly shouts “I wish I had a billion dollars!” The genie nods his head and when the man checks his account he sees his balance has increased by 1 billion.
The second man thinks and says “I wish I was the richest man in the world!”. The genie nods and boom, the man’s bank account shows over hundreds of billions. The third man thinks even longer and asks “I wish my right arm would rotate clockwise”. The genie nods and the man’s arm starts to spin
The first man again yells out “I wish I had a beautiful wife” and suddenly a gorgeous woman appears by his side. The second man thinks long and hard and says “I want to be charming, charismatic, irresistible to woman.” The genie nods and the first mans wife begins to flirt with the second man. The third man pauses, thinks for a bit, then says : “I wish my left arm would rotate anti-clockwise” . The genie nods and the mans arms now spin in opposite directions.
The first man decides for his third wish “I want to be healthy forever” The second man says “I want to stay 29 and never age a day”
The third man thinks for a long time about his third wish. “I want my head to nod back and forth forever” The first two men start to look healthier. Acne and wrinkles clearing, aches and pains disappearing, while the third mans head starts to rock back and forth.
Years later the three men meet up at a bar
The first man says “I’ve invested my money, my family will never want for anything, my beautiful wife and I make love every day and I’ve not had so much as a cold since the last time we saw each other”
The second man says “I’ve donated to hundreds of charities while staying one of the wealthiest men in the world. I’ve traveled and met many beautiful exotic women and still have the energy and looks of a young man”
The third man, with his right arm rotating clockwise, his left arm rotating anti clockwise, head nodding back and forth like a stupid cow, says to his buds:
“Guys, I think I might have ****** up”
The first man instantly shouts “I wish I had a billion dollars!” The genie nods his head and when the man checks his account he sees his balance has increased by 1 billion.
The second man thinks and says “I wish I was the richest man in the world!”. The genie nods and boom, the man’s bank account shows over hundreds of billions. The third man thinks even longer and asks “I wish my right arm would rotate clockwise”. The genie nods and the man’s arm starts to spin
The first man again yells out “I wish I had a beautiful wife” and suddenly a gorgeous woman appears by his side. The second man thinks long and hard and says “I want to be charming, charismatic, irresistible to woman.” The genie nods and the first mans wife begins to flirt with the second man. The third man pauses, thinks for a bit, then says : “I wish my left arm would rotate anti-clockwise” . The genie nods and the mans arms now spin in opposite directions.
The first man decides for his third wish “I want to be healthy forever” The second man says “I want to stay 29 and never age a day”
The third man thinks for a long time about his third wish. “I want my head to nod back and forth forever” The first two men start to look healthier. Acne and wrinkles clearing, aches and pains disappearing, while the third mans head starts to rock back and forth.
Years later the three men meet up at a bar
The first man says “I’ve invested my money, my family will never want for anything, my beautiful wife and I make love every day and I’ve not had so much as a cold since the last time we saw each other”
The second man says “I’ve donated to hundreds of charities while staying one of the wealthiest men in the world. I’ve traveled and met many beautiful exotic women and still have the energy and looks of a young man”
The third man, with his right arm rotating clockwise, his left arm rotating anti clockwise, head nodding back and forth like a stupid cow, says to his buds:
“Guys, I think I might have ****** up”
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