trophywife
Crew Member
-Mr. WILLY BUGGER. (MALE, age 45 to 65). This is a customer who usually gets dropped off by his wife before she goes grocery shopping. He keeps his elbows firmly planted on the counter, likes to be involved in all conversations, been there done that, plays with the drag of all the fly reels and buys nothing. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 4.
- KID HACKLE. (MALE or FEMALE, age 7 to 17). The future of fly fishing. A keen youngster that probably can cast their whole fly line. Extremely dangerous. Will drive over 20 miles on bicycle to fishing grounds. Knows about the latest fly-tying materials before the shops do. Mother will buy waders and boots two sizes too big. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 90.
- GARY. (MALE, age 56). A steady flow customer that keeps the fly shop up to date with Walmart pricing. Will buy a new rod and reel every year as long as the shop does not tell Mrs. Gary about this. Similar to Mr. Willy Bugger but has a true passion for the sport. Does not tie flies, wants pricing by the dozen. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 40.
- HUGE TRUCK McFUCK. (MALE, age 20 to 30). Has a super hot girlfriend with him every time. Leaves truck running outside blasting hip-hop. Wants black waders and wading boots. Will spend huge dollars on Sage, G Loomis, and any reels made in gold colours. Cannot tie flies. Brings in pictures of trout on I-phone. Has a buddy who also wants to get into this "****". Buddy also has super hot girlfriend. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 25.
- Mr. and Mrs. CADDIS PEOPLE. (MALE and FEMALE, age 40). A strange couple that had some "magical" day fishing dry flies during a Caddis hatch. Will not buy any bead-heads, nymphs or attractors. Wife cannot find the right fit with Simms waders, extremely picky. Husband always wants polarized glasses that fit over prescriptions. Not dangerous. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 6.
- Mr. OHYEAH. (MALE, age 35). Dude always says "Oh yeah." When asking about the new RIO fly line will say "Oh yeah" before the question is answered. Has been seen by other customers on the river yelling "Oh yeah" while landing most fish. Has three of everything. Good customer. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 110.
- Mr. BUCK WINTERS. (MALE, age 40 to 45). Claims that his private lake near his hunting grounds is loaded with 6 pounders. Only buys "egg sucking leeches" and trolls them behind split shots on his spinning rod. Has pictures to prove. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 12.
- Mr. NOT WHAT I HEARD. (MALE, age 28 to 40). Very dangerous new breed of the E-fisherman. Over informed and under-practiced. Usually asks questions to challenge the answer. Has been "interested" in that Sage for a year but is weary of it's price. Was introduced to fly fishing by Gary. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 15.
- OLD MAN CAREY. (OLD MALE, age 70 something). Claims that the "Red Carey" was his original fly. Smells like most of the neck hackle. Always asks to use the bathroom and stays for exactly 20 minutes. Has a Hardy reel that the whole shop drools over, insists on "split cane and silk lines." ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = none.
- Mr. BEAMER not DREAMER. (MALE, age 50). Has succeeded in everything in life but fly fishing. Has purchased all top of the line gear and is looking for more. Fishes with 2 lawyer buddies but still cannot cast. Has signed up for lessons twice but has pulled two no-shows. Well groomed but frustrated. Not dangerous. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 15.
- Mr. SHOP GUY. (MALE, age 20 to 40). Every shop's dream. Has lots of current reports, has the shop sticker on vehicle. Brings friends in to start fly fishing. Ties beautiful flies and brings in samples. Insists on fluorocarbon. Has a separate VISA card just for fly fishing that's billing goes to a private PO box. CUTE but "not so bright" WIFE. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 100.
- THE FINS TWINS. (MALE, age 25 ish). Shop is still convinced that these brothers are stealing. One brother always stays by the flies while the other runs around asking questions about Float-tube fins. THEY NEVER BUY FINS, THEY NEVER BUY FLIES.
“THESE FLIES HAVE EYES”
What Fly Shops Will Never Tell You……
By Brent Gill. October 2008.
- KID HACKLE. (MALE or FEMALE, age 7 to 17). The future of fly fishing. A keen youngster that probably can cast their whole fly line. Extremely dangerous. Will drive over 20 miles on bicycle to fishing grounds. Knows about the latest fly-tying materials before the shops do. Mother will buy waders and boots two sizes too big. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 90.
- GARY. (MALE, age 56). A steady flow customer that keeps the fly shop up to date with Walmart pricing. Will buy a new rod and reel every year as long as the shop does not tell Mrs. Gary about this. Similar to Mr. Willy Bugger but has a true passion for the sport. Does not tie flies, wants pricing by the dozen. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 40.
- HUGE TRUCK McFUCK. (MALE, age 20 to 30). Has a super hot girlfriend with him every time. Leaves truck running outside blasting hip-hop. Wants black waders and wading boots. Will spend huge dollars on Sage, G Loomis, and any reels made in gold colours. Cannot tie flies. Brings in pictures of trout on I-phone. Has a buddy who also wants to get into this "****". Buddy also has super hot girlfriend. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 25.
- Mr. and Mrs. CADDIS PEOPLE. (MALE and FEMALE, age 40). A strange couple that had some "magical" day fishing dry flies during a Caddis hatch. Will not buy any bead-heads, nymphs or attractors. Wife cannot find the right fit with Simms waders, extremely picky. Husband always wants polarized glasses that fit over prescriptions. Not dangerous. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 6.
- Mr. OHYEAH. (MALE, age 35). Dude always says "Oh yeah." When asking about the new RIO fly line will say "Oh yeah" before the question is answered. Has been seen by other customers on the river yelling "Oh yeah" while landing most fish. Has three of everything. Good customer. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 110.
- Mr. BUCK WINTERS. (MALE, age 40 to 45). Claims that his private lake near his hunting grounds is loaded with 6 pounders. Only buys "egg sucking leeches" and trolls them behind split shots on his spinning rod. Has pictures to prove. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 12.
- Mr. NOT WHAT I HEARD. (MALE, age 28 to 40). Very dangerous new breed of the E-fisherman. Over informed and under-practiced. Usually asks questions to challenge the answer. Has been "interested" in that Sage for a year but is weary of it's price. Was introduced to fly fishing by Gary. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 15.
- OLD MAN CAREY. (OLD MALE, age 70 something). Claims that the "Red Carey" was his original fly. Smells like most of the neck hackle. Always asks to use the bathroom and stays for exactly 20 minutes. Has a Hardy reel that the whole shop drools over, insists on "split cane and silk lines." ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = none.
- Mr. BEAMER not DREAMER. (MALE, age 50). Has succeeded in everything in life but fly fishing. Has purchased all top of the line gear and is looking for more. Fishes with 2 lawyer buddies but still cannot cast. Has signed up for lessons twice but has pulled two no-shows. Well groomed but frustrated. Not dangerous. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 15.
- Mr. SHOP GUY. (MALE, age 20 to 40). Every shop's dream. Has lots of current reports, has the shop sticker on vehicle. Brings friends in to start fly fishing. Ties beautiful flies and brings in samples. Insists on fluorocarbon. Has a separate VISA card just for fly fishing that's billing goes to a private PO box. CUTE but "not so bright" WIFE. ANNUAL FISHING DAYS = 100.
- THE FINS TWINS. (MALE, age 25 ish). Shop is still convinced that these brothers are stealing. One brother always stays by the flies while the other runs around asking questions about Float-tube fins. THEY NEVER BUY FINS, THEY NEVER BUY FLIES.
“THESE FLIES HAVE EYES”
What Fly Shops Will Never Tell You……
By Brent Gill. October 2008.
