A good FUNNY thought I would share

[wolf]

With all the pressure and stress of whats going on latrly a buddy of mine sent me this, so im sharing to all of you LOL LOL

TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE.


Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having ***.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'



WOLF


Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[wolf]

Here is another one for you guys LOL LOL






I THINK YOU ARE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."



Wolf

Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[LastChance]

LOL That's great!

Last Chance Fishing Adventures

www.lastchancefishingadventures.com
www.swiftsurebank.com

[the runt]

Those are good,got any more

thanks the runt

[wolf]

You ask you shall get!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.



Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

Rod continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'





Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[wolf]

OR


The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemosabe, look towards sky; what you see?'

The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful , and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?'

'You dumber than buffalo $hit - someone stole tent.'

Now thats funny LOL LOL


Wolf

[baddogg]

Not fishing related, but funny just the same.

A guy was driving around the back roads of Virgina when he saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Beagle sitting there.

'Do You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Beagle replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Beagle looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services...the United States Marines. You know one of their nicknames is 'The Devil Dogs.'

'In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down'.

'I retired from the Corps (eight dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is totally amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

The guy answers: 'Because he's such a liar... He never did any of that stuff! '

[Gunsmith]

Incident
at Cabela's



A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's

birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes

over to the counter.



A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says,

'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'



He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,

I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'







She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.



He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel

and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale

this week for only $20.00.'



She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it

dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit

card drops on the floor.



'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.



She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really

embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it

was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only

person around?



The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'



The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod

and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'



He replies, 'Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is

$11.00 and the Catfish Stink Bait is $3.50.


http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/hh420/Gunsmith_r/IMG_1445.jpg

[The Fish Assassin]

lol:D

Take only what you need.

[The Fish Assassin]

18 Reasons Fishing is better than zex.

18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines..
17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fishing.

15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing,you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago

13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

12 - When you see a really good Fisherperson, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.

10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.

6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?"


Take only what you need.

[wolf]

A Husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'



Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[Gunsmith]

Ouch!![B)]

http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/hh420/Gunsmith_r/IMG_1445.jpg

[Gone Fishen]

Following a serious accident the severly injured man neaded brain surgery to restore him back to normal. The doctor explained his brain would have to be built back up to live a normal life. The doctor gave him some options. He could buy some brain of a former doctor at $200 an ounce, from a former lawyer $300 an ounce or a former goverment fish management decision maker at $1 000 000 an ounce.
The man asked all confused, why's the fisheries persons brain so much more expensive? The doctor replied with a chuckle "you no how many goverment fisheries people we have to go through to get an ounce of brain".

I'm setting my priorities. I'm making time for fishing.

[twinwinds]

An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish.

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't git no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it!

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it!

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some ***** willows. "Now hold on just a minute" calls the old man, "wait while I get my hat!!":D

[twinwinds]

One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.

Joe then said "Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!"

Bob then replies " It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years."[:p]

[Sea Ranger]

Two guys are out fishing in their favorite lake when one of the guys catch an old lamp.
Once he started to wipe it off this Genie pops out and says I will grant you each one wish.
The first guy says "WOW, I wish the whole lake would turn to beer"
POOF....and the whole lake turns to beer.
The second guys says "Why did you ask for that???.... Now we have to pee in the boat!!!

[wolf]

Another one for you guys!!!

A guy is 70 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say a gain,'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[wolf]

and!!!!!!

DON'T MESS WITH THE FARM KIDS !

A young farm boy comes down for breakfast. His mother asks if he has done his chores.

'Not yet,' said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken.

When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow, and when he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.

'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.

I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.

I saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'



Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.


The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?'





Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[ReelAffair]

Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on
that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and
say,

'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy
Birthday.'
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat
despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning
Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! ' It felt a little better that
at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said,
'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your
Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' I
said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She
chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two
martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a
beautiful day.. We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do
We ?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?' She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there...
On the couch...

Naked.

[Kisinana]

Alberta fish and game were stocking a few lakes with a new hybrid.
People wanted a fish that tasted like salmon would survive like there own walleye and fight like northern muskie.
After a few attempts they came up with the Sokawalski.
The fish tastes like a sockeye, can survive even the coldest of winters and fights like there is no tomorrow.
They say they will be introducing them to the lakes as soon as the teach it how to swim.

[Sea Ranger]

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. Its the opportunity of a lifetime and we leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in and hour to pick them up."

He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.

A week later he returns.

His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?."

He says "Oh yes it was great. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"

[Sea Ranger]

YOU KNOW YOU MIGHT BE A FISHERMAN WHEN:

1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

[LastChance]

GOD, I ran into this one today, this takes the cake:

http://www.wmur.com/news/18813192/detail.html


Just another example of the crisis facing hired help for the service industry.

Last Chance Fishing Adventures

www.lastchancefishingadventures.com
www.swiftsurebank.com

[LastChance]

GOD, I ran into this one today, this takes the cake:

http://www.wmur.com/news/18813192/detail.html


Just another example of the crisis facing hired help for the service industry.

Last Chance Fishing Adventures

www.lastchancefishingadventures.com
www.swiftsurebank.com

[Gunsmith]

I So Love WestJet!!!!!



A mother and her very young son were flying WestJet Airlines from Ottawa to Calgary . The boy, who had been quietly looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby
dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy walked down the aisle and asked the attendant, who was extremely busy serving drinks.

She smiled and asked, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy answered, "Yes."

"Well, you go and tell your Mom that there are no baby airplanes because WestJet always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you." :D






http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/hh420/Gunsmith_r/IMG_1445.jpg

[The Fish Assassin]

Sesame Street sure is a lot more vulgar than I ever remeber as a Kid..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUeN6LZNPVQ

Take only what you need.

[wolf]

THE POST OFFICE JOB INTERVIEW...


A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.


The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?"


He says "Yes, just caffeine."


"Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks.


"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."


The interviewer says "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment here.", and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"


The guy says, "Yes... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles
clean off."


The interviewer tells the guy "O.K. In that case, I can hire you right

now. Normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start
tomorrow at 10am, and plan on starting at 10am every day. Don't worry,
we'll still pay you from 8am."


The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don't you want me to be here before 10am?"


"'This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."


Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[Gunsmith]

QUICK ***

Ron wanted desperately to have *** with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... But she was dating someone else.
One day Ron got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give
You $100 if you let me have *** with you.'

The girl looked at him and then said, 'NO.'

Ron said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend, She called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks,'What happened?'

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,


"HE HAD QUARTERS!'

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!:D:D























http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/hh420/Gunsmith_r/IMG_1445.jpg

[wolf]

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home

Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[Sea Ranger]

Hey Wolf..... that was a real good one.....Thanks for the laugh

[Gunsmith]

Subject: crabs





A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of
frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to
take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised
to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally
responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he
was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would
happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to
announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave
me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most men think.:D


















http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/hh420/Gunsmith_r/IMG_1445.jpg

[Time]

Two guys are drinking in a bar.
One says: "Did you know that Lions have s ex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"BUGGER !" says his friend. "And I just joined Rotary....."

[Gunsmith]

A private school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use Lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lip stick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers... and then there are educators.:D




http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/hh420/Gunsmith_r/IMG_1445.jpg

[wolf]

EFFECTIVE MARCH1, 2009 NEW OFFICE POLICIES

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work .

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin boa rd under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.



Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[wolf]

JUST OUT FOR THE NEW TAX SEASON




2009 Tax Code




The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!

HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2009, the penis will now be taxed according to size:

The brackets are as follows:





10 - 12"
Luxury Tax
$ 300.00

8 - 10"
Pole Tax
$ 250.00

5 - 8"
Privilege Tax
$ 150.00

3 - 5"
Nuisance Tax
$ 30.00



Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains.

Anyone under 3" is eligible for a tax refund.

** PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION **





Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[shake a paw]

u forgot the part about his neighbor is an *******...LMFAO

shakes:D:D

[ReelAffair]

so you getting a refund wolf?

[wolf]

LOL LOL nope just like every other year ill be taxed high LOL LOL.


Jeez Jack didnt know you cared!!!!

Wolf

[ReelAffair]

I am a caring person Roy:D

[Time]

From Tacoma Craigs List.
But could be from anywhere, even here.

http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/spo/1063738649.html

[twinwinds]

That's funny....sounds familiar.:D

[The Fish Assassin]

True story.. Makes it funnier!!

A man who bolted antlers to the head of a dead doe and posed for a photograph with the deer was fined $400 and jailed for game violations.

Marcel Fournier, 19, shot the deer the evening of Nov. 22 and used lag bolts and epoxy to attach a 10-point rack, officials said. He then checked in the kill as lawful game at Barnie's Market.

It's illegal to kill an antlerless deer, and it's also illegal to hunt at night.

The Concord resident admitted to the killing and led a game warden to the deer's remains after an anonymous caller alerted authorities. Fournier said he had "quite a time" drilling and fastening the antlers, authorities said.

Game warden David Gregory said the antlers didn't look or feel right.

"When you grabbed them, you'd feel movement," he said.

Col. David LeCours, chief warden of the state Department of Fish and Wildlife, said the size of the antlers relative to the size of the deer seemed off.

"Something wasn't natural about them, in addition to the fact that they weren't natural," he said.

Fournier was sentenced to 10 days in jail Feb. 18 for taking a deer in a closed season. He won't qualify for a state hunting, fishing or trapping licence for at least three years.

LeCours said add-on antlers are the stuff of legend, but that it's the first documented case of it in Vermont.

Take only what you need.

[The Fish Assassin]

http://www.lawsonslanding.com/images/Web_-_Boat_on_pole.JPG

HAHAHA!!!

Take only what you need.

[The Fish Assassin]

Why Moses wouldn't make a good fishing partner!!


http://www.owensworld.com/funnyimages/files/fishing-with-moses_big.jpg

Take only what you need.

[LastChance]

Looks like a heartbreaking way to learn about tides.

Last Chance Fishing Adventures

www.lastchancefishingadventures.com
www.swiftsurebank.com

[Significant Other]

A bad day at work.
supposedly it is true. I don't know if it is really true or not but it is pretty funny.

Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.



Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.


Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job.'

So now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

[ReelAffair]

Amish ***

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding
in an old buggy one cold blustery day.

The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'

The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs.
Your body heat will warm them up.'

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'

The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs.
The warmth of my body will warm them up.'

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy
with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.'

The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs.
The warmth of my body will warm it up'.

He did and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter,
and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.'

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her
mother again, and she says to her mother,
'Have you ever heard of a penis?'

Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes...?! Why do you ask?'

The daughter replies:
'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?!

[wolf]

This is right up STRIPERJACKS alley....


Fishing Humor
"You might be a redneck if..."
· If you have ever cleaned fish in your living room.

· If you've ever used a fishing boat to haul lumber.

· If you can buy live bait and cold beer at your barbershop.

· If in high school you were voted "Most likely to fish from a bridge.

· If you enjoy playing with bait more than you like to fish.

· If your fishing license is more precious to you than your marriage license.

· If you have ever made a homemade hot tub with a trolling motor.

· If you practice casting in your yard.

· If you have ever sunk a rental paddleboat.

· If when you go fishing your tackle consists of a generator and copper wire.

· If you have been to the emergency room more than once to have a fishhook removed.

· If you videotape fishing shows.

· If you fly-fish with real flies.

· If any of your children were conceived in a fishing boat.

· If your most effective fishing lure is TNT.

· If your wife would rather fish from a bridge than go clothes shopping.

· If you would rather fish than have ***.

· If you have ever sent fan mail to a fishing lure.

· If you have ever spent more than half a day in a fishing shop.

· If you have an aboveground swimming pool that you fish out of.

· If your license plate frame mentions fishing.

· If when talking about great fishermen, your grandma's name always comes up.

· If your dream home is a fishing boat.

· If you think megabytes means a good day fishing.





Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[wolf]

The Biker and the Bridge

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head...In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach to bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time, and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make my woman truly HAPPY."

And the Lord replied......

"You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"


Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[ReelAffair]

Get it right ROY
"If you have an aboveground swimming pool that you fish out of. "

if I pull the lid off the septic field it would be like fishing Oakbay:D

is that close enough

[wolf]

LOL not that bad!!!!!!!!

Wolf

Blue Wolf Charters
www.bluewolfcharters.com

[Sushihunter]

Blonde paint job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


Jim's Fishing Charters
www.JimsFishing.com
http://ca.youtube.com/user/Sushihunter250

[wolf]

Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A woman was in a coma. She had been for months. Nurses were in her
room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area
and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever
she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral ***' will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'




NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.

[ReelAffair]

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!




1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1... Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one :
Subtle hints do not work !
Strong hints do not work !
Obvious hints do not work !
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact , all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are .
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball ormotor sports

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

[ReelAffair]

Little boy at the nude beach. THIS IS PRICELESS... ..

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

[Gunsmith]

Have you ever had a day like this??












NOT HIS DAY


A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it ?'

The poor little guy starts crying.
'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.'

'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me."
"When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."




:D

http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/hh420/Gunsmith_r/IMG_1445.jpg

[ReelAffair]

http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc118/striperjack/fishinglicense.jpg

[shake a paw]

very funny!!!!lmfao

[Gunsmith]

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
wore his collar backwards.


The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'


The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'


The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'


The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'


The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.


The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
sai d, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards
instead of your collar.'
[8D]

http://i546.photobucket.com/albums/hh420/Gunsmith_r/IMG_1445.jpg

[ReelAffair]

A Woman's Perfect Day

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants;open presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work-out at club with ***y, funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22lbs

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers

10:00 Hot shower- alone

10:50 Carried to bed. freshly ironed, crisp, white linen

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms


A Man's Perfect Day


6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several beers en route to the airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)

11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Peringon

12:15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine (4 under)

2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle

5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle Macpherson

6:45 ****, shower and shave

7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated

7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits

9:30 *** with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 Night-cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

[ReelAffair]

A Woman's Perfect Day

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants;open presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work-out at club with ***y, funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22lbs

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers

10:00 Hot shower- alone

10:50 Carried to bed. freshly ironed, crisp, white linen

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms


A Man's Perfect Day


6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several beers en route to the airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)

11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Peringon

12:15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine (4 under)

2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle

5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle Macpherson

6:45 ****, shower and shave

7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated

7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits

9:30 *** with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 Night-cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

[adrianna3]

Hey, did you guys hear about the new Blonde Paint?

It's not very bright, but it's cheap, and it spreads easy.

[adrianna3]

Hey, did you guys hear about the new Blonde Paint?

It's not very bright, but it's cheap, and it spreads easy.

[cliffjumper]

Three guys fishing in the boat.

First guy says: Man you wouldn't believe what I had to do to go fishing today, I had to promise the wife I'd clean the gutters, toilets and my workbench before dinner.

Second guy says: That's nothing. I had to promise to take my wife to the shoe store tommorow morning, wait for her at the hair salon before lunch, take her to the dress shop in the afternoon, and the opera tomorrow night.

The third guy's just siting there fishing like nothing in the world's bothering him. The other guys, waiting for his tale of woe finally said... What did you have to promise your wife?

Nothing... When the alarm rang, I just rolled over and said fishing or ***, and she said "have a nice time fishing dear."

Cheers!

[salmonkiller01]

Only a Canadian can truly appreciate this!

A woman from Vancouver , who was a tree hugger and anti-hunter, purchased acres of timberland near Lake Cowichan , Vancouver Island . There was a huge tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to view the natural splendor of her land, so she climbed the tree. As she neared the top, she encountered an endangered spotted owl. It attacked her! In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground.

The ensuing fall incurred several splinters of wood in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor, 35 minutes away in Duncan . She told him she was an environmentalist and anti-hunter and how she came to receive all of the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience. He then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help. The impatient patient sat, and sat, and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'

He smiled and said, 'Well, I had to get permits from Environment Canada , BC Forest Service and Worksafe BC before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down.'


OH CANADA

[Sea Ranger]

Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community..



After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during *** and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.



So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.



So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having ***. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax. So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.



After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have *** with her while Paddy waved the big towel. They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.



When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said: 'And that, me son, is how ya waves a fukkin' towel!'

And remember....Keep your tip up!!!

[TheRock]

HOW TO START A FIGHT:

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the

weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly

undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

[alley cat]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto thundered around a corner into a box canyon pursued by 60 Commanches better known as the butchers of the staked plains, as the Lone Ranger yanks his horse to a sliding halt he yells at his faithful sidekick Tonto " Looks like we are trapped here Tonto"

After a moments silence Tonto answered " What do you mean we white man ????"

AL

[Sushihunter]

Sesame Street sure is a lot more vulgar than I ever remeber as a Kid..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUeN6LZNPVQ

Take only what you need.

If you like Sesame Street, check out Bert & Ernie.

WARNING - NSFW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NShgvtEro7I

[TheRock]

A Letter to Mens help line;

Hey Mate, really need your advice for a serious problem:

I have suspected for some time now that the missus has been cheating. The usual signs; phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up; going out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment crouched behind the boat I noticed... a "hairline crack" in the outboard mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?

[TheRock]

A man and lady was laying in bed watching a porn movie when the man took the remote and switched to a fishing show, the lady remarked why did you do that, you already know how to fish?

[ThistledewII]

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice. The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's British Columbia, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful highlands, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and ocean. The people from British Columbia are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "Not very far from British Columbia is a place called Ottawa.............Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

[Justfish]

New name for tight jeans on fems........whispers, cause you can see the lips moving but no sound.

[wolf]

Thought id reserect this thread as we need some humor ......all this bad news we need something to laugh at....

God Loves Drunk People Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
... standing in the pouring rain,
is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband,
"it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.

"NO, I did NOT, it's 3am in the morning
and it's bloody pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down,
and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
"God loves drunk people too you know."

The man does as he is told,
gets dressed,
and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.



"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

[CIVANO]

Missing Wife Found by Alaska Troopers

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage

man answered his door to find two grim faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkins, but we have some information about your

wife", said one of the troopers. "Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkins
exclaimed. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have
some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which
would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen Mr. Wilkins said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found
your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my Gosh," exclaimed Wilkins. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's
the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five
pound king crabs and 6 good sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and
we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkins demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's

the great news?"

The trooper replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.”

[Chaos]

Custody Battle
TORONTO, ONTARIO (AP) - A seven-year-old Toronto, Ontario boy was at the center of a Toronto city courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

[Time]

As Grandma (or was it Grandpa) said:
marry a girl with small hands,
it makes your penis look bigger.

[Rover]

Three men were sitting at the bar discussing what they had gotten their wives for valentines day, The first man said he had bought his wife a hat and a necklace, that way if she didnt like the hat she would be happy because he was sure she would like the necklace

The second man said he had bought his wife a scarf and a ring, that way if she didnt like the scarf she would be happy because he was sure she would like the ring

the third man said he bought his wife a fishfinder and a vibrator that way if she didnt like the fishfinder he could have it and she could go F*** herself

[wolf]

A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra.

The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.

'Why not?' asked the man.
...
'Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.

'But I need it really bad,' said the man.

'Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor.

The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I've got to have a triple dose.

The doctor finally relented saying, 'All right, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.'

On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor's office...his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, 'Good gawd! What happened to you?'

The man said, 'No one showed up.' . . .

[Foxsea]

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room. Donald desperately wanted to have sex with Daisy.
Daisy's bedroom eyes made it clear that she was in the mood. "Do you have a condom, Donald?", she asked.


Donald frowned and said, "Nnnno."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't use a condom, they could not be making love. "Maybe ask the Concierge in the Lobby," she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and quietly inquired of the gentleman if he had condoms. "Yes I do, Sir" the Concierge said as he discretely pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.


The very accommodating man asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill, Sir?"


"Thit No, Man!" Donald quacked loudly, "I'd motht thertanly thuffocate!"